Path to a PhD

A Long, Winding, Road

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

My path to a PhD was far from straightforward. When I first entered academia, as a wide eyed freshman at the University of Washington, I had big dreams. I was going to graduate early, and pursue a PhD in early Christian art history at Columbia University. But, when graduation came in 2013, I lost all my confidence. The effects of The Great Recession were still being felt around the country, with many humanities graduate programs struggling with funding. And, there was the bigger issue of my anxiety. I didn’t feel like I was good enough to get into a program, let alone get a PhD. So, I didn’t apply.

But, I don’t regret this choice. (At least not anymore, it’s taken a lot of self-reflection and therapy to get to this point). Because over the seven years between graduating with my bachelor’s and rejoining academia, I learned life skills, made friendships, and figured out what I truly wanted from life. But, this didn’t come easy. Far from it. I worked jobs that were so stressful that I started losing my hair. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship that ended abruptly and destroyed my self-esteem. I’m not writing about these things because I’m looking for sympathy, I am writing them to show that life can be hard and it’s ok to recognize that.

Things finally came to a head in 2020. After months of isolation, I hit my ultimate low. I was taking the garbage out and realized that I wouldn’t be sad if I were to go into a coma. Because that means my brain would finally be quiet and I would get a break. I immediately knew that this was bad. So I called my parents and we had a big talk. I realized two things: I wanted to go back to school and I needed therapy. Well, a few weeks later, I enrolled in grad school for my master’s in education, found a therapist, and turned 29. It was a busy time!

Six years later, I got accepted to my dream PhD program. Not at Columbia, but back where it all started at the University of Washington. I am going to be studying the history of art history education, combining my two passions. I’ve finished two master’s degrees, found the right balance of medication and therapy for my mental health, and one month from today, I’m going to marry the most supportive, loving, and caring partner. It’s taken a lot of hard work, but I’m grateful each and every day that I did it.

I know that this PhD journey is just starting, and that it is going to be hard. But, I’ve worked for six years for this and I know I’m ready. Additionally, I’ve also made so many friends online in the academic community which I’ve come to love and lean on.